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My Step Two

Step Two

“Came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.”

I have always believed in a creative and sustaining power in the universe — I didn’t always call “it” God — but that personal awareness of an infinite being was a foundational part of my life. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I began to seek a more definitive definition of God. I spent, or invested, a lot of waking hours in identifying the nature of this infinite being or reality. I believe I had found God in Christian beliefs.

I was a reluctant Christian — I wrestled for years with all the various forms of Christianity. How much of the established churches were influenced by the “true” foundation of the teachings of Jesus; and how much were they impacted by the thought and desires of the society through time? I made a very deep commitment to honest research and ultimately accepted that there was more than enough evidence in history to support the truth of Christianity as expressed in a deeper reading of the Bible.

I embraced Christianity and felt that my “eternal” life was settled. However, I used to half-jokingly remark to friends that although I had my destiny sorted — it was today I was worried about!

Before I entered the path of recovery I believed I had God in the bag! I believed in God — but did I really allow that belief to enter all aspects of my life? Was I really willing and able to give God permission to rule my life — or did I just want His help on my terms?

My faith was strong — but I used it like an umbrella that I only used if I thought it was raining. I never really thought about relying on God for everything.

When I came to admitting that I was powerless over my eating and emotional behaviors, I also came to admitting that I was limiting God’s power in my life.... I was trying to be God and using manipulation to keep the REAL God at my beck and call. It’s as if I was telling God: “You took care of my soul — but I’ve got life on this side of eternity covered....” That’s insanity!!

Recognizing my powerlessness literally brought me to my aging knees. I trusted God for my eternal salvation — it was only logical and downright practical to open up my life completely to His will and power over my disease.

There is no other way for sanity to be restored in me but through turning all aspects of my life over to something (or someone, in my case) that has ultimate understanding of my human condition.

Insanity is living mindlessly at the mercy of every unwelcome and unexpected circumstance and fighting against it all with the false hope that things will one day be in full compliance with my expectations. It is living with the disordered idea that my will can change reality. The only thing that can change is my response to reality. If I place my will and my life into God’s hands then I can see beyond my limited point of view — and trust that all things ultimately work for the greater good. This is sanity.

Taking Step Two is a natural step — and perhaps the only logical step after surrendering to the powerlessness of self-will in controlling disordered behaviors. Step Two is the active enabling of faith into action; turning assent into experience. Faith alone is merely a belief in a possibility until action in faith leads into experience.

Stepping forward into the direction of faith opens new pathways that lead to an even greater experience of faith’s power. The most exciting news about taking Step Two is that the willingness to move forward brings the courage needed to do it. For every step I take toward God, he takes two or more toward me.

God never forces Himself on me. I need to make the first move — my willingness opens the door to His transforming power.

Faith is often called “The Narrow Way,” not because of its limited access — but rather because it requires undistracted focus.

My eating disorder is life leading to darkness — the light of recovery through spiritual practice brings light. Light always overcomes darkness. And so it is....

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